RESURRECTING THE P.M.
Or, how to solve the current currency crisis.
Everyone is talking about the Rupee and so I thought why not me? After all, I have been in the thick of things of the financial world and I should know, right? I deserve to be heard. And I have just the right thing for you. Hell, I have just the thing for Manmohan Singh, something that will sock him on the jaw and make it move a bit. For that alone, it should be worth it!
This whole idea came to me after I read that Jamal Mecklai said that the government should use Tirupati temple gold to solve the country’s problems. “Capital”, I said to myself, mimicking Bertie Wooster in the most inimitable way. Way to go, Jamal. What an idea, Sirjee. But then, I thought of all those bloody fellows inhabiting the parliament and I told myself that this was not on. They will come with 3G v.2, Coalgate v.2 etc and ask for the next set of problems to be solved by getting the gold from the vaults of the Thiruvanatapuram temple! Then they would come up with version 3 of all the scams, maybe add one or two more to the list while they are at it, and look around for which Temple to raid now. Could go for Somnath, what? After all, that Mahmud Ghazni raided it seven times (or was that seventeen?) in the days of yore (see, I read my Std V history texts well!) and it is now a few hundred years since and I am sure that the temple chappies would have had the good sense to stock it up with some fresh gold by now. After that, there are so many temples in India that politicians need not bother about the country getting into problems at all. God (or the Temple gold) shall be with them!
So, if this is not such a good idea, then what could be? Here again, something that I had read long ago came to my rescue. Did you know that in 1947, the INR value was equal to one Pound? Great independence day statistic that, right? Well here is another (this time Republic day statistic) is that the Gold in 1950 cost Rs.99 for 10 grams!
Now I agree with all of you that it is such a pity that the Pound is at 100 and gold is at 31000. Makes us all feel like some big losers! But here is the solution. Starting next month, let the government just say that a new Rupee One will be issued and it shall be equal the old Rs 100!. That’s it. In one single master stroke, this will achieve the following incredible benefits: make us on par with Brittain, make us 50% stronger than the US (hah, take that and weep Ben Bernanke!) and gasp, 150 times stronger than Japan! Woohoo. Maybe we can bid for becoming the ninth G-8 country then? And more! It will shaft all those bloody Pakis who are counterfeiting our notes like crazy and leave them with a pile of useless notes as will all those politicians and their weasels who have stacked up those notes in their pillows and mattresses and on top of their toilet ceiling or below the mandap. It will hurt all these fellows right where it hurts.
So there you have it PMji- a super solution for you, free, from my side. You have recently become a villain in the eyes of your countrymen and here is my two bit to help your resurrection. In case you wish to send me a bundle of the new notes as an appreciative gesture, I will text you my address.